The dictionary definition of to forgive is “to give up resentment of or claim to requital for” or “to cease to feel resentment against (an offender)” But we as Christians know very clearly what this is, as God tells us He forgives us of the sins that we do against Him each and every day. Forgiveness is such a foundational part of our faith. To become Christians, we must accept the grace (getting what we don't deserve) that is forgiveness of our sins, from God. But as Christians, we must also deliver that same kind of forgiveness and grace to all of those around us.
There are several Bible verses that talk about how we are supposed to forgive others, even our enemies.
-Matthew 6:14-15
"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
-Ephesians 4:32
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
-Matthew 18:21-22
“Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.”
Those are just a few. So as Christians we are supposed to be Christ like, and that means forgiving others like he forgives us. Normally I'm okay with that, I'm not one to hold a grudge if you trespass against me, lightly that is. When heavy duty hurt and pain come, then I am more likely to hold a grudge than to “turn the other cheek” as I am supposed to. This is the kind of situation I am facing right now. How do I forgive this guy who has really done me wrong. Let me give you the background of the story:
All my life I've been very vulnerable when it comes to guys. Guys don't like me, not in the way that I want them to like me. I've been blessed with some pretty amazing guy friends, but you know, they aren't there for me to cuddle with, or there to tell me I'm pretty and funny and sweet, or just all those other things that I “think” I need to be satisfied, I “think” I need some guy to be genuinely interested in me to be happy. That's something that I hardcore struggle with every day. I'm getting better at feeling and accepting that all I need is God, but I have to admit sometimes I struggle and I get vulnerable, and at these times, any guy that walks into my life and acts interested can pretty much get whatever he wants out of me.
A couple of years ago this guy from my church started talking to me, and because I was stupid and incredibly vulnerable, I let him into my life. This became quite an unhealthy relationship, with him sending me some pretty inappropriate texts late each night, and I could never say no to him, because I didn't want to lose this opportunity that I had, a guy FINALLY making me feel good about myself. Long story short, eventually I got the courage to put this to an end, and I was left feeling hurt and embarrassed. I let this disgusting guy treat me the way that he did, say the things that he did, and I didn't tell him no because I stupidly wanted the attention.
After a while I decided, this would just happen again unless I do something, so I blocked him from facebook and my phone. But I forgave him, a least I thought so. Besides, half of it was my own stupid fault. But I forgave this boy in my mind, and I shunned him, tried to keep away from him, and looked upon him with disgust. Now that doesn't sound like forgiveness and grace to me.
So what is forgiveness and grace in this situation. What am I supposed to do with this guy? I don't want him in my life, I think he is disgusting, and what he does is disgusting, and I don't want to open any doors for him to come into my life. When I go to church I sit on the opposite side of the room from him, and I cling to my mom when we have fellowship time, in hopes of avoiding him. When I hear about him, I cringe, I make this disgusted look on my face, my stomach churns. I blocked him from contacting me. But today I unblocked him. Because that sounds more like forgiveness to me, at least I think so.
What am I going to do if he contacts me again? How many times will I be subjected to this vicious cycle of him walking all over me because I'm too stupid and vulnerable to say no to him. Can forgiving this guy not include having him in my life. This is just one forgiveness situation that I just am completely baffled with.
