What are you watching?

The last few months I have been watching a lot of tv. I've been definitely getting my money's worth out of my Netflix account. I've sat through season after season of shows like Grey's Anatomy and Family Guy, very entertaining shows. But what I realized was that this entertainment was having a negative effect on me. I think that people try to think that they can watch or listen to whatever they want and that they aren't affected whatsoever. I would say think again. Even if you think you are listening to a song just because it has a cool beat or you don't pay attention to the dirty jokes and sex scenes in a tv show or movie, your are letting this stuff into your mind and after a while it is going to affect you whether you think it is or not.

In the course of about a week I think I watched 3 or 4 seasons of Grey's Anatomy. I told myself that I watched it for the medical stuff, cause believe me, even if it is unrealistic, the medical stuff on that show is awesome! But along with that, I watched 2 or 4 seasons full of sex scene after sex scene, and though I said I wasn't watching it for that reason or paying attention to that stuff, I was just lying to myself. Pretty soon those images that I were watching were getting stuck in my head and I began fantasizing about myself in each one of those situations.Though I watched it for the medical stuff, I got the garbage too, and it definitely affected me. My mind was constantly on impure thoughts and I fell back really deep into some of my struggles. Finally I decided to quit watching that show and after that my mind was a little purer. It was easier to fight temptations and impure thoughts were less common when I wasn't constantly feeding myself garbage.

A similar situation happened to me with watching Family Guy. This past week I have watched 3 seasons of Family Guy. I watched it because I needed a laugh, and most people would admit that Family Guy is pretty hilarious. Well a lot of the humor that is used on the show is crude jokes. Lots of bathroom humor and sexual content. I told myself that I am a good person and I won't pay attention to any of that, but over this week my mind has been full of very impure thoughts and I have been going back to the dirty humor that I used to have. I have quit watching this show and now my thoughts are definitely heading back in the right direction and I no longer have the urge to say inappropriate things.

I'm not trying to tell people not to watch Grey's Anatomy or Family Guy or that those shows are bad. I'm giving up those shows because I feel that they impede my walk with God; they may or may not be bad shows, that's for you to decide on your own. What I am saying though is that we need to be on guard for what we let into our minds. I believe that the entertainment choices that we make do have an affect on us, lingering effects. If they didn't then why do advertisers put so much money and effort into coming up with their images and slogans? So we need to be careful what we watch and even what we listen to.

You need to communicate with God and look at your life and use your wisdom and discernment to figure out what media choices are affecting you negatively. Pay attention to what you are watching and what thoughts or ideas or images it is bringing up in your mind. If it's something that is not godly, I would highly suggest that you limit and even cut out whatever song, tv show, or movie that might be. Be honest and true to yourself and don't use the excuses that so many people try to use. A wise person and a person who is wanting to grow closer to God will notice the areas in their life where things aren't quite right, and they will fix them, no matter how difficult it may be.

So pay attention to the images whether verbal or visual that you are letting into your mind. If you keeping letting in garbage, that's what's going to start flowing out of you after a while. If you discover that one of your entertainment choices are affecting you negatively and keeping you from moving forward and growing in your faith, then you need to cut it out.

That's all I have to say about that. Later dudes! :)

Encouraging others in their faith

Somewhere I've heard a quote that went something like "God loves you so much that He doesn't want you to stay the same" or something close to that. What it was referring to was that God loves us so much that he wants us to change for the better, he wants us to grow closer to him and develop into the masterpieces that he has us planned out to be. That's why God is constantly teaching us lessons and shaping and molding us. He loves us and  he wants us to experience growth and develop a closer walk with him.

Growing is great thing. We ought to want to grow, we ought to want to be shaped into the person that God wants us to be. We ought to be submitting ourselves to Him so that we can be molded by His hands. Our ultimate purpose in life is to be Christ-like and that takes a lifetime of growth, so we should be constantly seeking to become more like Christ. So I love that God loves us so much that he is constantly wanting to help us grow in that purpose. But shouldn't we show that same kind of love to our friends and family and loved ones? We should love them that much that we help them along this journey as well.

I'm not suggesting that we set out to change our friends and family. We can't change people, that's God's job. No, what we should do though, is make sure that we are looking out for our friends, that we encourage them to grow, that we point out to them when they are heading down the wrong path. Let me give you an example:

One of the things that I love the most about my boyfriend is that when I am straying off the path or when I am becoming stagnant and not really growing closer to God, he comes in and calls me out on it. He reminds me that what I am doing is not right or he reminds me that I need to be spending more time with God. He loves me so he looks out for me and wants to be sure that I am on the right path.

I think that when someone close to us is doing something that they shouldn't be doing or aren't on the right path, it's a loving thing to bring that up to them. There are ways to point things out to someone, you just have to be careful, doing it with love and not condemnation. I don't think we are called to condemn people or judge their hearts because that's God's job. But I would feel bad if I knew a brother or sister in Christ was doing something wrong, and I let them continue down that path without saying something to them.

There's ways to go away doing this correctly. Listen to the Holy Spirit's promptings, make sure that you have the right motives, make sure you aren't judging their hearts or condemning them, make sure you're speaking the truth with love, and make sure that you are aware of the sin that's in your own life first.

I wish that more people in my life were looking out for me, and calling me out when I am doing something wrong. To me that speaks volumes of love because it tells me that instead of letting me continue down the wrongful path of sin, you love so much that you want to help me get to the right path, and grow closer to God

James 5:19-20
" ¹⁹ My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, ²⁰ let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins." 


Luke 6:41-42
" ⁴¹Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? ⁴² How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye."

Ephesians 4:14-16 
"so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. ¹⁵ Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ,"

Real pleasure comes from serving God

Sometimes sinning is just fun. Am I right? If it wasn't, it there wasn't something pleasing about it, why would we continue to do it? Of course, there's the whole sin nature thing, but we never do anything that we don't want to do. I read a devotional post with that title once and I realized that is pretty true, even when it comes to sin. Sin feels good sometimes. It appeals to our fleshly nature, a side of us that we still have, and that if we don't keep in check, we will get ourselves in trouble.

It may seem like fun at first, or it may seem like the best thing to do, or it may feel good. Lying to get out of trouble feels good, masturbating is fun, stealing seems like the best thing to do at the time, but how long do these seemingly good feelings actually stick around? And are they actually real pleasure?

No, they aren't real, and those feelings aren't going to stick around for very long. This week I got sucked into the pleasures of sin. But then I realized that what I thought was pleasure comes back to bite you, and turns out to be not so enjoyable at all. When you realize and experience the consequences of what you've done, when you realize that you have gone against the God who loves you and who fills your life with blessings each day, you feel pain and you feel guilt. Sometimes the consequences are that you hurt yourself or someone else, whether physically or emotionally, sometimes you get in trouble by the law, sometimes the consequence of sin is even death. None of this is worth the fleeting moment of pleasure that you might have had.

Real pleasure comes from serving and obeying God. It is only then do we find real joy, that we truly have fun, and that the good feelings last. If you are caught up in a sin because you are enjoying the moments of feeling "good" remember that's not what true good feelings are. That's not true joy, true pleasure, and it doesn't last long at all. Remember the consequences of your actions.

We need to look to God for joy, for pleasure, for our desires because only by doing His will can we truly find these things and that they will last. Going out into the community and bringing the love of God to others is an activity that I find extremely pleasing and joyful. It is something that makes me feel very good inside, and it is a good feeling that will not quickly fade into guilt and negative consequences. Living for God and serving Him brings great feelings that will last.

I needed that reminder. I hope this serves as a great reminder to one of you too.

What am I Most Thankful For?

There are a lot of things in my life  that I am so thankful for. My family, my friends, my home, my dog, my roommate, my boyfriend, food, and the ability to sleep in a warm cozy bed just to name a few, but there's one thing that I am most thankful for, and that's God's love and grace.

It just overwhelms me how much God loves me. How could God love me, a sinner, who on a daily basis turns away from him, hurts him, and disobeys him. I am nothing but dust, and I do nothing for God. Looking back just on this week I lose count of how many times I have knowingly and willingly sinned against God. And I'm sure I did even more sins that I didn't know about. How many times have I told God that I am going to get right with him, only to turn around 2 seconds later and sin again. How many times have I failed to communicate with God through reading His Word and through prayer? And yet, God still loves me, and that just overwhelms me.

God is our Father, and like a parent, he loves his children unconditionally. Even though we may disobey him and turn our back on him, he is still standing in the doorway, holding his arms out, ready to receive us again. Though we may break His heart over and over again, He still has much love to pour out on us. Isn't that crazy amazing??
God will never leave us or forsake us. That's powerful for me to hear, especially as I am someone who has witnessed several people close to me just walk out of my life. I live in constant fear that one day I am going to unintentionally press the buttons that will make the people close to me not want to have anything to do with me. It's crazy wonderful knowing that I don't have to worry about that with God. That God, the One who is the most important, the One who provides the most love, is not going to ever have that button pushed.

What's even more amazing is how much grace God shows us! Grace is getting what we don't deserve. We don't deserve to wake up each morning, we don't deserve the next breath we will take, we don't deserve anything but burning in hell right now, and God has saved us from that. Not only that, His grace is shown with the blessings that he has poured out in our lives. To sit here and count the blessings of just today, I would run out paper and time!

To me at least, I feel God's love and grace through some of my friends too. I'll be the first to admit that I am not the best friend in the world. I don't love and care for my close friends as much as I should. I annoy them from time to time. I've done things that would probably make a good amount of my friends walk away from me, and yet they haven't. My best friends are still by my side, still loving me, even after I have hurt them, frustrated them, or turned away from them. Now that's gotta be the power of God!

So as I am thinking about the things that I am thankful for, I am definitely making sure to send up lots of praises and thanks to God, for his everlasting and abundant love and grace!

The things you learn when you're in a relationship. #1

I'm 3 months into a serious relationship, you all know that though, cause I sure talk about it enough, but anyways I'm in this relationship, and let me tell you, it is probably the hardest, but most wonderful experience that I have ever had. And it is definitely a stage for a lot of lessons to be learned. I think I have grown up so much in the last couple of months, more than I ever have at any other point in my life. God has definitely been piling on the lessons along with the blessings, that's for sure. So I just want to share the things that I have learned, the easy lessons, and the super hard ones too. Maybe they will be encouraging to someone out there reading. :)

Patience
Let me tell you, I have like no patience whatsoever. Well, I had no patience. I like to think I've gained some recently. But patience wasn't anywhere near my vocabulary until God decided to really teach me to have some the last couple of months.
In a relationship, you need patience. You need patience with dealing with any human being really, but especially in a relationship. You are going to be together with someone who is different from you in some way or another, so you have to learn to be patient in growing to understand that person. When you are in a long term relationship especially, you need to be patient between times of getting to see each other. You need to be patient with communication, especially if your schedules are vastly different. You need to be patient as your significant other grows and learns and makes mistakes. Patience is so important and God is really showing me that. I am learning that you just need to sit back and relax sometimes and stop being so antsy.

Showing Love is More Than Saying "I Love You"
This is easily the hardest lesson that have learned and am still working on. Before, I thought that showing someone that you love them and care about them was done by saying "I love you," and being there for that person, and doing nice things for them. But it is a little more than that. I have found that no matter how sincerely I can say "I love you," it doesn't ring in as clearly as an action that says that. It's always said that actions speak louder than words, and I think that with love, that is definitely the case. I love you means very little, unless you back it up with an action that speaks the same thing, and that action varies from person to person. That is why knowing about and understanding love languages is so important! You NEED to know your significant other's love language! Not only know it, but speak it, and speak it often! This is why relationships, and why love in general is not a stroll in the park. Loving someone takes work, it takes an effort on your part to make sure that you are constantly doing the things that make them feel loved.

Take it Slow!
I think it is super important to take a relationship slowly, though it is frustrating with some people for several reasons. But I think it is important to apply the brakes sometimes. Lately I have been super excited about the fact that in a few years I am probably going to marry my boyfriend. But God has also been flashing a red light in the corner of my eyes telling me to slow down. Thinking about marriage makes me forget about the life that I am living right now. Not being content with where you are makes you miss out on all the things that God is blessing you with in this present moment. I've heard this phrase somewhere, I think it's something along the lines of, if you're not married, don't act like it. I'm pretty sure that has something to do with doing physical things with your significant other, but I like to think that it can refer to any action. I have been sitting here planning my wedding (and my wedding night), what I am going to do about work when I have kids, how many kids I want and their names, where we'd live, how each day would be like, yadda yadda yadda. I've also been forgetting about friends, family, God, and school work. My boyfriend was my world, and everything else didn't matter unless it had something to do with him, and you know what, that's not healthy. So I'm learning that I need to be content with this relationship, stop planning things that I don't need to plan yet, and just take things slow. We will get married someday, best not to race to the altar and miss out on the scenery along the way. And along the way we don't need to act like we are married. When you are married, your spouse is your whole world, and everything you do kind of does revolve around them, (but make sure God is #1 too!!), but right now we are still young, we aren't anywhere near married, and so we don't need to act like it and push everything else God wants us to experience away.

Your moods bounce off one another
When my boyfriend is happy, I am happy, and when he is frustrated or upset, I am frustrated and upset. And the same goes for him. Our feelings bounce off one another, we feel what the other feels. Sometimes it's a good thing, and sometimes it's bad. God is teaching me that I need to be aware of that, and watch out when that happens. If my boyfriend is in a sour mood, I am in a sour mood, even if there is no reason for me to be. This becomes distracting and leads to lost sleep, and the occasional tears that don't need to be shed. It is important to not let their mood bring you down. If one of you aren't staying positive, that just makes for a sad, pitiful, moping party where no healing and encouragement is had. Another way that you need to watch out, is when it comes to dealing with sexual stuff. If one of you are feeling turned on, it's going to turn the other on, and that can end up some place you don't want it to go. So I guess my lesson here is, be aware that your emotions are effecting the other.

Anyways those are the things that I have been learning so far. It's been a great 3 months full of many blessings, but God hasn't hesitated to shoot some important lessons my way too. And that's all I have to say about that. :)

There are more lessons that are to come, I'm sure. And when they do, I'll share them!
Love y'all!
:)

Either you breakup or you get married, and well I chose #2

There's a quote floating around out there that says something along the lines of that all relationships are going to turn out one of two ways, either you breakup, or you get married. Wow, kind of crazy when you think about it that way huh? Either you are going to experience some heartbreak from a breakup, or you're going to experience a lifetime with the one that you love.

Lately there has just been so much marriage related stuff going on in my world. Celebrities getting married or breaking up, people around my school getting engaged, married, or broken up, the hours that I've spent looking at wedding photos (haha!). It's makes me think and look at the relationship that I am in, and I wonder, what is going to happen to us. And then I relax and say, yeah we are probably going to get married. 

HOLD THE PHONE!!

You can't say that! You're 3 months into the relationship, you're 20 years old, you don't know what love is, you can't get married now!!!

Have those words actually been said to me? No. But I have certainly heard the skepticism and the worry in the voices of my close friends whenever I tell them that I am pretty darn sure I know who I am going to marry, and he's the one that I am with. You can't know that this young, this early. But can't I? If what I am feeling is not what I am feeling, then I have no idea what is going on. 

I feel like there's a set way that relationships are supposed to go. You meet a nice member of the opposite sex, you become friends with them over a period of several years. You then start dating for a period of several more years, and then finally after 5 years of dating, you decide you want to marry this person, and thus you get engaged. Great stuff, excellent way to go about things, but it doesn't always happen that way. I think that every relationship is different. God is very creative, and so I think He can plan things to go a different way and it will still work out. If this is the method that God uses in your life, great, that's wonderful, but please, don't judge what's going on in my life, because God has a different plan for me. 

My boyfriend and I have only know each other for what, 5 months or so, if even that. We've been in a relationship 3 of those months. And yet, I am confident that somewhere down the road God intends for us to get married. We built our relationship on a foundation of friendship, our relationship is all about getting to know each other more and to see if we are compatible for marriage, and yeah it hasn't been that long but each and every day as we grow closer and closer together, I am more and more sure that I don't want anyone else. Why can't I think that? Why can't I decide that I don't want to look for guys anymore, that this one is everything that I ever wanted in a guy and 10 times more, and I don't think there's anything better out there for me. And I know that because I know him. I know my boyfriend, I don't know everything about him, but I know his hopes, his dreams, his wishes, his fears. I know his major personality traits, I know how he thinks. I've got a lot more to learn, and that's what I will spend the days ahead doing. But I know enough for right now, and I know enough to think that we're compatible.

Because I have decided that I want to marry him, does not mean that I am going to go out and get eloped next Thursday. No. Marriage is super important to me, and it is to him, and it is not something to be taken lightly and thrown around. It involves lots of preparation and lots of prayer and lots of guidance from God. And that's what is going on right now. I feel that this is the man that God has intended for me to marry someday. I have no reservations about saying that. I don't think that I am being unwise when I say that. I can give you ten billion reasons why I feel like he is the one. You know how they say that when you find the one, you just know, well I just know.  I look at divorce statistics and they absolutely disgust me, and they scare me. I want my marriage to be as stable as it can be, built on the foundation of God, full of love and trust. I want it to be done the right way. So marriage is a serious thing to me and now, I'm turning to God for guidance and direction so that His will be done and things turn out the way they are supposed to. 

There is so much more to marriage than planning your wedding day. I know that. I'm turning to God and asking Him for guidance and asking Him to prepare me for marriage, not my wedding day. I ask God each and every day to shape me into the woman that He created me to be, and the wife that I need to be to my future husband. I'm thinking about the big questions like handling conflict, money, and the roles in the home, dealing with in-laws, having children, and whether our passions and dreams and goals are compatible. I'm not ready for marriage right now, goodness no. But I will get there when it's time. It's not like I am getting married tomorrow or even within the next year. I'll get married when I'm as prepared as I can be, I just know who I am going to meet when I walk down that aisle. 

There is a possibly that God will shake things up. He gives and he takes away, yes that is true. But where do you stop worrying about whether or not God is going to shake your world up. Where do you stop worrying about what God is going to take away from you next. I choose to think that God has blessed me with this wonderful man, and that he intends for us to stay together and eventually get married. And if that's not the case, then I think God would be speaking to me and telling me so. I've been listening out, and as far as I can tell, God has been giving me the green light. 

So I think the relationship that I am in now is one that's leading towards marriage, and I am very confident about that. I feel like lot of people are worrying about me when I make a statement like that, and I just have to say, relax you guys. God has got my back. If I felt like God was telling me no, then I would rethink things. I can't help it that God has laid this on my heart so early, but I don't know what you'd want me to do about it. I love my boyfriend, I want to marry him, and I will someday. And you can do one of two things, understand that we are thoroughly seeking God's will in this matter and spending lots of time growing and preparing, and pray for us, or you can continue to make me feel like I am being judged because you don't think I know what I am doing. I might not know what I am doing, but God does, and He's the one that's in control. 

Yes, it's been 3 months, I love my boyfriend and I want to marry him. And honestly, I can't remove those feelings. But don't worry, I am and will continue to use God's discretion and guidance and wisdom when acting on them. :) 

Lies, Shame, and Fears

Tonight we had one of the most amazing and powerful dorm meetings that I think I've ever attended. We talked about the lies that we believe as well as the fear and shame that we feel, and how it is effecting us. The meeting opened up with a slideshow of lies, fear, and shame that the RA team came up with and it was powerful to see the things that they have been feeling in their lives and how some of it was the exact same feelings that I was having. Next the RAs shared deeper snippets of their lives and some of the things that they were dealing with, another incredibly powerful aspect of this meeting. Probably the most powerful part of it, and the one that touched me the most, was the time of reflection which followed, where we were asked to write down the lies that we believe and our shame and fears. 

Entering into the time of refection, I was surprised with myself. Knowing the topic of the meeting beforehand, I was trying to think of the lies and shame and fears that I had, earlier in the day. But came away thinking that none of these things had a stronghold in my life. I found myself completely wrong tonight as I asked God to help me to examine these areas in my life, and I came away tonight with a laundry list of lies, fears, and shame.

We all have lies that we believe, shame that we have, and fear in our lives. And for some of us, it is a stronghold that Satan is using to bring us down. I looked into my life and realized there is a whole lot of deception there that I need to take care of. We need to realize the truths that are in our lives, God's truths! But in order to do that, we need to detect the lies first. I wrote down a list of the lies, shame, and fear that I feel, and I want to share it, first because locating these things in my life is a step to finding the truths, and second because sharing is power for me, power for conquering those lies and my honesty and openness is a ministry to myself. So here they are:

The lies that I believe:

• I am a failure because I can never say the right things
• Everyone here at Corban are better Christians than me
• I am ugly because of my hair
• I am not a good enough girlfriend
• People are judging me because I've been dating for 3 months and already am sure than I love and want to marry my boyfriend
• Because it's only been 3 months, I can't possibly truly love my boyfriend as much as I say I do
• I am more immature than all of my friends
• I am uglier than all of my friends
• I am not worth the love and grace that God and my friends give me
• That people judge me and don't believe me when I tell them that I am sick
• I'm heartless because I don't cry or get visibly upset often
• I am a terrible Christian because I don't raise my hands during worship
• I am a terrible friend

The fears that I have:

• Because I already fantasize about my boyfriend, when we are together, I won't be able to control myself
• My boyfriend leaving me because I'm not good enough for him, don't give him what he wants, or because I annoy him
• Not being able to successfully write lesson plans
• Not being able to have a normal, natural conversation with my boyfriend when I see him, because I can't do that over the phone
• I don't care enough about people
• My future marriage ending in divorce
• Offending and annoying people and having conflicts

I am ashamed of:

• The fact that even though I felt strong conviction about my pornography and masturbation addiction, I am still struggling a lot
• I don't read my Bible enough and can't look up anything in the Bible
• That I don't feel called towards missions or helping kids in Africa
• I sometimes wish that I would get extremely sick so that people will care for me
• That I get easily bitter about my dad
• I procrastinate on my homework so much
• I have little self control
• I get annoyed with people very easily
• I can't have theological conversations with my friends because I don't know very much about what I actually believe. 

Those are just a few, and it's a longer list than I thought I would come up with. The next step to battling these lies is to find out the truths behind them. My RD and RA highly suggested that instead of letting ourselves be brought down by all that we found, and instead of wallowing in the despair that it brings, seek out God's truths and end this on a happy note. So now my next task is to do that. For the next week or however long it takes me, I am going to make an effort to find out the truths that I need to battle all of Satan's lies. I definitely would suggest that all of you run through this eye opening exercise, discover what you are really dealing with in your lives, and then find the truths that will set you free.

That's all for now! Stay tuned for the truths that I will find. :)

Love from Gabs :)