The things you learn when you're in a relationship. #1

I'm 3 months into a serious relationship, you all know that though, cause I sure talk about it enough, but anyways I'm in this relationship, and let me tell you, it is probably the hardest, but most wonderful experience that I have ever had. And it is definitely a stage for a lot of lessons to be learned. I think I have grown up so much in the last couple of months, more than I ever have at any other point in my life. God has definitely been piling on the lessons along with the blessings, that's for sure. So I just want to share the things that I have learned, the easy lessons, and the super hard ones too. Maybe they will be encouraging to someone out there reading. :)

Patience
Let me tell you, I have like no patience whatsoever. Well, I had no patience. I like to think I've gained some recently. But patience wasn't anywhere near my vocabulary until God decided to really teach me to have some the last couple of months.
In a relationship, you need patience. You need patience with dealing with any human being really, but especially in a relationship. You are going to be together with someone who is different from you in some way or another, so you have to learn to be patient in growing to understand that person. When you are in a long term relationship especially, you need to be patient between times of getting to see each other. You need to be patient with communication, especially if your schedules are vastly different. You need to be patient as your significant other grows and learns and makes mistakes. Patience is so important and God is really showing me that. I am learning that you just need to sit back and relax sometimes and stop being so antsy.

Showing Love is More Than Saying "I Love You"
This is easily the hardest lesson that have learned and am still working on. Before, I thought that showing someone that you love them and care about them was done by saying "I love you," and being there for that person, and doing nice things for them. But it is a little more than that. I have found that no matter how sincerely I can say "I love you," it doesn't ring in as clearly as an action that says that. It's always said that actions speak louder than words, and I think that with love, that is definitely the case. I love you means very little, unless you back it up with an action that speaks the same thing, and that action varies from person to person. That is why knowing about and understanding love languages is so important! You NEED to know your significant other's love language! Not only know it, but speak it, and speak it often! This is why relationships, and why love in general is not a stroll in the park. Loving someone takes work, it takes an effort on your part to make sure that you are constantly doing the things that make them feel loved.

Take it Slow!
I think it is super important to take a relationship slowly, though it is frustrating with some people for several reasons. But I think it is important to apply the brakes sometimes. Lately I have been super excited about the fact that in a few years I am probably going to marry my boyfriend. But God has also been flashing a red light in the corner of my eyes telling me to slow down. Thinking about marriage makes me forget about the life that I am living right now. Not being content with where you are makes you miss out on all the things that God is blessing you with in this present moment. I've heard this phrase somewhere, I think it's something along the lines of, if you're not married, don't act like it. I'm pretty sure that has something to do with doing physical things with your significant other, but I like to think that it can refer to any action. I have been sitting here planning my wedding (and my wedding night), what I am going to do about work when I have kids, how many kids I want and their names, where we'd live, how each day would be like, yadda yadda yadda. I've also been forgetting about friends, family, God, and school work. My boyfriend was my world, and everything else didn't matter unless it had something to do with him, and you know what, that's not healthy. So I'm learning that I need to be content with this relationship, stop planning things that I don't need to plan yet, and just take things slow. We will get married someday, best not to race to the altar and miss out on the scenery along the way. And along the way we don't need to act like we are married. When you are married, your spouse is your whole world, and everything you do kind of does revolve around them, (but make sure God is #1 too!!), but right now we are still young, we aren't anywhere near married, and so we don't need to act like it and push everything else God wants us to experience away.

Your moods bounce off one another
When my boyfriend is happy, I am happy, and when he is frustrated or upset, I am frustrated and upset. And the same goes for him. Our feelings bounce off one another, we feel what the other feels. Sometimes it's a good thing, and sometimes it's bad. God is teaching me that I need to be aware of that, and watch out when that happens. If my boyfriend is in a sour mood, I am in a sour mood, even if there is no reason for me to be. This becomes distracting and leads to lost sleep, and the occasional tears that don't need to be shed. It is important to not let their mood bring you down. If one of you aren't staying positive, that just makes for a sad, pitiful, moping party where no healing and encouragement is had. Another way that you need to watch out, is when it comes to dealing with sexual stuff. If one of you are feeling turned on, it's going to turn the other on, and that can end up some place you don't want it to go. So I guess my lesson here is, be aware that your emotions are effecting the other.

Anyways those are the things that I have been learning so far. It's been a great 3 months full of many blessings, but God hasn't hesitated to shoot some important lessons my way too. And that's all I have to say about that. :)

There are more lessons that are to come, I'm sure. And when they do, I'll share them!
Love y'all!
:)

Either you breakup or you get married, and well I chose #2

There's a quote floating around out there that says something along the lines of that all relationships are going to turn out one of two ways, either you breakup, or you get married. Wow, kind of crazy when you think about it that way huh? Either you are going to experience some heartbreak from a breakup, or you're going to experience a lifetime with the one that you love.

Lately there has just been so much marriage related stuff going on in my world. Celebrities getting married or breaking up, people around my school getting engaged, married, or broken up, the hours that I've spent looking at wedding photos (haha!). It's makes me think and look at the relationship that I am in, and I wonder, what is going to happen to us. And then I relax and say, yeah we are probably going to get married. 

HOLD THE PHONE!!

You can't say that! You're 3 months into the relationship, you're 20 years old, you don't know what love is, you can't get married now!!!

Have those words actually been said to me? No. But I have certainly heard the skepticism and the worry in the voices of my close friends whenever I tell them that I am pretty darn sure I know who I am going to marry, and he's the one that I am with. You can't know that this young, this early. But can't I? If what I am feeling is not what I am feeling, then I have no idea what is going on. 

I feel like there's a set way that relationships are supposed to go. You meet a nice member of the opposite sex, you become friends with them over a period of several years. You then start dating for a period of several more years, and then finally after 5 years of dating, you decide you want to marry this person, and thus you get engaged. Great stuff, excellent way to go about things, but it doesn't always happen that way. I think that every relationship is different. God is very creative, and so I think He can plan things to go a different way and it will still work out. If this is the method that God uses in your life, great, that's wonderful, but please, don't judge what's going on in my life, because God has a different plan for me. 

My boyfriend and I have only know each other for what, 5 months or so, if even that. We've been in a relationship 3 of those months. And yet, I am confident that somewhere down the road God intends for us to get married. We built our relationship on a foundation of friendship, our relationship is all about getting to know each other more and to see if we are compatible for marriage, and yeah it hasn't been that long but each and every day as we grow closer and closer together, I am more and more sure that I don't want anyone else. Why can't I think that? Why can't I decide that I don't want to look for guys anymore, that this one is everything that I ever wanted in a guy and 10 times more, and I don't think there's anything better out there for me. And I know that because I know him. I know my boyfriend, I don't know everything about him, but I know his hopes, his dreams, his wishes, his fears. I know his major personality traits, I know how he thinks. I've got a lot more to learn, and that's what I will spend the days ahead doing. But I know enough for right now, and I know enough to think that we're compatible.

Because I have decided that I want to marry him, does not mean that I am going to go out and get eloped next Thursday. No. Marriage is super important to me, and it is to him, and it is not something to be taken lightly and thrown around. It involves lots of preparation and lots of prayer and lots of guidance from God. And that's what is going on right now. I feel that this is the man that God has intended for me to marry someday. I have no reservations about saying that. I don't think that I am being unwise when I say that. I can give you ten billion reasons why I feel like he is the one. You know how they say that when you find the one, you just know, well I just know.  I look at divorce statistics and they absolutely disgust me, and they scare me. I want my marriage to be as stable as it can be, built on the foundation of God, full of love and trust. I want it to be done the right way. So marriage is a serious thing to me and now, I'm turning to God for guidance and direction so that His will be done and things turn out the way they are supposed to. 

There is so much more to marriage than planning your wedding day. I know that. I'm turning to God and asking Him for guidance and asking Him to prepare me for marriage, not my wedding day. I ask God each and every day to shape me into the woman that He created me to be, and the wife that I need to be to my future husband. I'm thinking about the big questions like handling conflict, money, and the roles in the home, dealing with in-laws, having children, and whether our passions and dreams and goals are compatible. I'm not ready for marriage right now, goodness no. But I will get there when it's time. It's not like I am getting married tomorrow or even within the next year. I'll get married when I'm as prepared as I can be, I just know who I am going to meet when I walk down that aisle. 

There is a possibly that God will shake things up. He gives and he takes away, yes that is true. But where do you stop worrying about whether or not God is going to shake your world up. Where do you stop worrying about what God is going to take away from you next. I choose to think that God has blessed me with this wonderful man, and that he intends for us to stay together and eventually get married. And if that's not the case, then I think God would be speaking to me and telling me so. I've been listening out, and as far as I can tell, God has been giving me the green light. 

So I think the relationship that I am in now is one that's leading towards marriage, and I am very confident about that. I feel like lot of people are worrying about me when I make a statement like that, and I just have to say, relax you guys. God has got my back. If I felt like God was telling me no, then I would rethink things. I can't help it that God has laid this on my heart so early, but I don't know what you'd want me to do about it. I love my boyfriend, I want to marry him, and I will someday. And you can do one of two things, understand that we are thoroughly seeking God's will in this matter and spending lots of time growing and preparing, and pray for us, or you can continue to make me feel like I am being judged because you don't think I know what I am doing. I might not know what I am doing, but God does, and He's the one that's in control. 

Yes, it's been 3 months, I love my boyfriend and I want to marry him. And honestly, I can't remove those feelings. But don't worry, I am and will continue to use God's discretion and guidance and wisdom when acting on them. :) 

Lies, Shame, and Fears

Tonight we had one of the most amazing and powerful dorm meetings that I think I've ever attended. We talked about the lies that we believe as well as the fear and shame that we feel, and how it is effecting us. The meeting opened up with a slideshow of lies, fear, and shame that the RA team came up with and it was powerful to see the things that they have been feeling in their lives and how some of it was the exact same feelings that I was having. Next the RAs shared deeper snippets of their lives and some of the things that they were dealing with, another incredibly powerful aspect of this meeting. Probably the most powerful part of it, and the one that touched me the most, was the time of reflection which followed, where we were asked to write down the lies that we believe and our shame and fears. 

Entering into the time of refection, I was surprised with myself. Knowing the topic of the meeting beforehand, I was trying to think of the lies and shame and fears that I had, earlier in the day. But came away thinking that none of these things had a stronghold in my life. I found myself completely wrong tonight as I asked God to help me to examine these areas in my life, and I came away tonight with a laundry list of lies, fears, and shame.

We all have lies that we believe, shame that we have, and fear in our lives. And for some of us, it is a stronghold that Satan is using to bring us down. I looked into my life and realized there is a whole lot of deception there that I need to take care of. We need to realize the truths that are in our lives, God's truths! But in order to do that, we need to detect the lies first. I wrote down a list of the lies, shame, and fear that I feel, and I want to share it, first because locating these things in my life is a step to finding the truths, and second because sharing is power for me, power for conquering those lies and my honesty and openness is a ministry to myself. So here they are:

The lies that I believe:

• I am a failure because I can never say the right things
• Everyone here at Corban are better Christians than me
• I am ugly because of my hair
• I am not a good enough girlfriend
• People are judging me because I've been dating for 3 months and already am sure than I love and want to marry my boyfriend
• Because it's only been 3 months, I can't possibly truly love my boyfriend as much as I say I do
• I am more immature than all of my friends
• I am uglier than all of my friends
• I am not worth the love and grace that God and my friends give me
• That people judge me and don't believe me when I tell them that I am sick
• I'm heartless because I don't cry or get visibly upset often
• I am a terrible Christian because I don't raise my hands during worship
• I am a terrible friend

The fears that I have:

• Because I already fantasize about my boyfriend, when we are together, I won't be able to control myself
• My boyfriend leaving me because I'm not good enough for him, don't give him what he wants, or because I annoy him
• Not being able to successfully write lesson plans
• Not being able to have a normal, natural conversation with my boyfriend when I see him, because I can't do that over the phone
• I don't care enough about people
• My future marriage ending in divorce
• Offending and annoying people and having conflicts

I am ashamed of:

• The fact that even though I felt strong conviction about my pornography and masturbation addiction, I am still struggling a lot
• I don't read my Bible enough and can't look up anything in the Bible
• That I don't feel called towards missions or helping kids in Africa
• I sometimes wish that I would get extremely sick so that people will care for me
• That I get easily bitter about my dad
• I procrastinate on my homework so much
• I have little self control
• I get annoyed with people very easily
• I can't have theological conversations with my friends because I don't know very much about what I actually believe. 

Those are just a few, and it's a longer list than I thought I would come up with. The next step to battling these lies is to find out the truths behind them. My RD and RA highly suggested that instead of letting ourselves be brought down by all that we found, and instead of wallowing in the despair that it brings, seek out God's truths and end this on a happy note. So now my next task is to do that. For the next week or however long it takes me, I am going to make an effort to find out the truths that I need to battle all of Satan's lies. I definitely would suggest that all of you run through this eye opening exercise, discover what you are really dealing with in your lives, and then find the truths that will set you free.

That's all for now! Stay tuned for the truths that I will find. :)

Love from Gabs :)

Check yo self before you wreck yo self!

For me, one of the most heartbreaking things to witness, is a godly person slide so far away from God, that they get sucked back into the world. There are way too many people in my life who I am seeing at various stages of that sliding, from the very beginning stages that start with not reading the Bible as often as it should be read, to the very advanced stages where they are so far away from God, that they have no more faith in Him. It's hard to see non-Christians being apart of this world that God cause us to be separate from, but it's even more so, seeing those whom we once strong believers, now live as though they never separated from the world in the first place.

Backsliding is something that has been on my mind recently, as I have witnessed a very close friend of mind backslide so far down, that I am beginning to lose hope for her. It's heartbreaking, extremely heartbreaking. I think as Christian we should want to see all the people around us loving and serving God with all of their lives. At  least I feel that way. When I am at church and I look around and see the congregation so in tune with God, when I'm at chapel and I hear the amen's and see the look of conviction on people's faces around the room, when I hear people lift God up, talk about the amazing things that He does, the amazing love that He provides, it makes me happy. It brings me joy. So to see someone step off of the right path and continue heading in the wrong direction, it hurts me inside.

At church on Sunday, our pastor talks about the topic of backsliding. He brought a new light to a story in the Bible that I have heard a couple of times, the story of Lot and how his life slowly started heading in the direction of disaster. The title of the message was something along the lines of how we have the ability to spiritually adapt either up or down, meaning we either are going to head spiritually in a godly direction, or down the slippery slope to disaster.

The adapting downward was illustrated with Lot and how he was a righteous man, who slowly began to slide down until he was adapting to the things of this world, and his life was filled with immorality. He started by pitching his tent on the outside of Sodom, an immoral city, then he began living in the city, and finally in Genesis 19:1 we find him sitting in the gateway of Sodom, which in biblical times was the city center. So he slowly went from the outside, to the very deep inside, and thus disaster strikes Lot in the form of his becoming so adapted to the world that he lived in, that he made some very immoral choices concerning his daughters. You can look all the details of this stuff in Genesis 19.

The reality is, this can happen to anyone, no matter how "strong" of a Christian that they may be. It doesn't happen suddenly. You begin sliding away slowly, and you begin with the choices that you make.
Our pastor this morning stressed the importance of the choices that we make, whether they are big or small. And our choices should reflect God. As our pastor said this morning, we need to be constantly working at our walk with God, constantly having a spiritual focus, constantly being concerned with even the small details in our life, constantly asking God for guidance because once we begin to lose our focus and not care, then we start sliding back.

We need to always watch how we are living, The Bible calls us to not let any hint of immorality be in our lives and to not give a foothold for Satan. There is a effort to this, and we need to put forth this effort.  We also need to keep ourselves accountable and in check. I know there are definitely times when I get out of going to church or reading my Bible, but I have someone call me out on that, or I call myself out on that, and I stop myself from continuing to slide away from God.

When thinking about this topic, I always think about the topic of having non-Christian friends. I just feel that when we are interacting with people who aren't believers, we need to be careful, we need to watch ourselves even more. I think it is important to reach out to the people in our secular world, but I think we need to guard ourselves and makes sure that we don't start adapting to that world. God calls us to be a light in the world, to be the salt of the earth, to reach out to the unbelievers, but I haven't come across a time where he has said that we need to become a part of the world and start doing the things that they do. In fact, I believe that God calls us to be separate from the world and to be holy. I have witnessed so many people close to me who have been changed by the people in their lives. Because they did not guard themselves, because they lost their focus, because they stopped caring about the little things, and started adapting to the world that their non-Christian friends were a part of, they lost sight of God. We need to watch out for that because it can happen to any of us. It starts so subtly and slowly. When we are with our friends we stop caring that the choices that they are making are wrong. Once we stop caring, we start accepting the choices that they make, and after that acceptance, we start adapting to and doing things that we once rightly thought of as wrong. I know from first hand experience just how this works.

When I was in middle school, my best friends were not the best people to be best friends with, and here's what I mean by that. They were the hooligans, the ones who were foul mouthed, made obscene jokes all of the time. They were the ones who just didn't care much about school and so they didn't put an effort into their schoolwork. They were the ones that did sneaky things behind their parents back. And they were most certainly unbelievers. I started out being the goodies two shoes and I would never partake of any of the things that they were doing. I knew that their lifestyle was wrong, and so I decided I wasn't going to go the same route as them. But as we got closer, my mindset starting changing until finally I was living the exact same way that they were. It started with me accepting what they were doing. I wasn't going to tell dirty jokes myself, but whenever they were around telling them, I would laugh and kind of take the "whatever floats your boat" position on things. And then I started thinking that dirty jokes and dropping the f-bomb in every sentence wasn't wrong at all, but I still didn't want to do it. And then I finally was like oh what the heck, my friends are acting this way and I no longer think that it is wrong, therefore I am just going to join in with them.

 I wasn't a Christian then, but I think the concept is the same because I find myself doing the same thing now that I am a Christian. When I am getting to close to my friends who aren't believers, I find myself losing focus and allowing myself to be sucked right back into the world. 

So the point that I want to get across with this post tonight is just that we need to make sure that we are constantly walking with God. That means regularly attending church and bible studies, having a devotional time each day, and just doing activities that help strength our walk and help us grow closer to God. It also means checking ourselves and making sure that we pay attention the the choices that we make and the details in our lives.
Now I'm definitely not a theologian, nor can I explain this as well as my pastor did yesterday morning, but I hope that you guys get something out of this.
Love you folks!
Gabs :)

Genesis 19

Ephesians 4:27
²⁷ and do not give the devil a foothold.

Ephesians 5:3
³ But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.

Matthew 5:13-16
  ¹³ “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.

   ¹⁴ “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. ¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Romans 12:2

 ² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind

1 Peter 2:9

⁹ But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light

Watch Yo Mouth!

Probably my second biggest struggle in my life is not filtering the things that I say. I am a very honest, very blunt, very open person. I will talk about anything with anyone. I gossip quite a bit. I just let words spew uncontrollably from my mouth and it sometimes can be inappropriate, offensive and/or inconsiderate. That is what happens when I don't take the time to really think about what I am saying. There's no filter, and I need to change that and make God my filter. I really need to watch what I say.

Over the last couple of months or so, God has been opening my eyes to this flaw in my life, and as what has unfortunately been the case with me, it takes someone getting hurt before my stubborn self is like okay God, I am ready to be helped and have this flaw taken care of. Sometimes God needs to give us a tough lessen before conviction and sincere repentance is fully felt, and I feel like that is the case with me. This weekend I thought about how many times I have said something to someone in the last week that had been hurtful, or inappropriate, or just something that someone didn't need to hear, and that was overwhelming. I think it is definitely time for a big change.

There are so many verses in the Bible that say do not let dirty or harmful speech flow from your mouth and to watch what you say and yet I have a nasty habit of continuing to do those things because I don't think about what I am saying. .I never set out with the intent to harm someone with my words, but I never set out with the intent not to either. Let me put it this way; I don't want to hurt people, but I don't take enough actions to prevent that, and I think that can be just as bad.

So how do you watch what you say? What steps need to be taken so that you are glorifying God with your speech, and not harming others.

1.) Refrain from using filthy language. This means don't let dirty things come out of your mouth, no cursing, no foul words, nothing indecent, no obscenities.

⁸ But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.

The Bible says in Colossians 3:8 to not let flithy language come out of your mouth. So we shouldn't be making dirty and crude jokes. We also shouldn't be talking about sex or any sex related topic in a way that is not for educational and informational purposes.  What is an educational or informational purpose? One that is not designed to cause someone to stumble or that creates lustful images in someone's head. Sex really only should be discussed in an educational situation, otherwise intimate sexual details should be shared only between a married person and their spouse. I think that referring to bodily functions in a not educational way also can become filthy and indecent. And besides, what goes on in the bathroom doesn't really make for good conversation, nor does it glorify God. Dropping the F-bomb or other bad words is not a great way to glorify God either, and is just plain offensive. In short, just don't say dirty or offensive things. I figure if it's not something that you could say to your mom, then you probably shouldn't say it at all.

2.) Only say things that are uplifting. Ephesians 4:29 says:

 ²⁹ Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

This means that the things that we say should only uplift and encourage. We should never say things that will harm another person or damage their reputation in another person's eyes. I know I am definitely guilty of both of these things, but especially the latter. When I come back into the room at after class, me and my roommate always talk about our day.  I always come back bearing stories about something that someone has did or said in one of my classes or along the way to it. I usually say something like they are weird, they are dumb, or something else that isn't very uplifting. What am I doing? I am damaging their reputation in my roommate's eyes. If I come back and say, "Such and such said this today and he was being such a complete tool" that makes my roommate think, oh man, I don't want to be around that person then if they are acting that way. This is a form of gossip, and it is hurtful and damaging to someone. Watch what you say to people. If there is an occasion when you need to speak to someone in a not so positive light, like when they are doing something that is clearly wrong, then approach them out of love, and give constructive criticism, something that will help them to improve, not bring them down. As Christians we ought to encourage the people around us. We also shouldn't gossip, cause while that isn't speaking harmful words directly to the person, it is spreading things that aren't true and damaging their reputation with others.

2.) Don't say words that cause someone to stumble.

³² Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God—

Another thing that we shouldn't do, is say things that will cause someone to stumble. You don't want to say anything that will cause someone to feel lustful, angry, or anything else that will be considered a sin to God. I had this modesty class in youth group one day and we talked about being modest with our words as well as our appearance, which I think is super important. Part of the lesson suggested that we watch out about saying things that might bring inappropriate images to to a guy. Things like saying you are going to go to bathroom, going to take a shower, or anything that brings an image that can easily turn sexual, shouldn't be said. Guys especially are extremely visual, so girls really need to be careful what is said to guys. We also shouldn't say things that might cause a person to become angry or feel another feeling that God looks down upon. We don't want to do anything that will cause someone else to sin in any way.

3.) Think, and even pray, before you speak. I find it incredibly helpful to stop, think, and pray a few seconds before I answer a call from my boyfriend. I do this because I want God to be in control of what I say and the direction that our conversation goes. I think I should employ that method as often as I can throughout the day. Taking that split second to let God be the filter over your mouth can help you from saying something you might regret later. Think about what you are going to say and how it will effect the person that you are speaking to, before you speak. This is a little bit easier when you are texting, facebooking, or writing an email where you have much more time to do that and you can see what you are saying before you send it off. But try also to practice something like praying before starting off your day, going to a social event, or going somewhere where you know that conversation is going to take place, and asking God to filter the things that come out of your mouth.

Like I always say, I am no expert on any of the things that I just said. I just know what God has been putting on my heart and teaching me, and I just wanted to share it with you all. I hope that you all will read this and try to make an effort to keep your words pure, uplifting, and glorifying to God.

A tout a l'heure mes amis! (That's french for 'See you later my friends!')
Gabs :)

Knowing the way that others feel loved: Love languages

So I am reading this really good book "Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married" by Gary Chapman, and I must say, I recommend it to anyone is is single, dating, engaged, or even married, cause there is some good stuff in this book. But anyways I just started reading it and I am at the chapter that is talking about love languages, and I think it is pretty valuable information no matter where you stand, whether you are single or in a relationship. So anyways that's my topic for today, love languages.

God calls us to love one another. I think everyone can find a verse somewhere in the Bible that talks about that. Probably one of my favorite verses about loving one another is 1 John 4:7

⁷ Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.

We are supposed to love others, we are supposed to make them feel loved and cared about. Now how do we go about doing that? Well I think there are several ways, but I am going to focus on the one that's been brought to my mind, and that is speaking their love language.

Love languages isn't something that is just applicable to people who are in a relationship. Learning about love languages can help you with your relationship with anyone whether is be your boyfriend or girlfriend, your best friend, your parents, or your spouse. Knowing what makes someone feel loved is valuable information that will bring you closer to the people in your life.

Now let's get down to business, what am I talking about when I refer to love languages? Love languages is something that the author of the book that I am reading, Dr. Gary Chapman, noticed during his years of marriage counseling. It is "a primary way of expressing and interpreting love" He noticed that when couples would come in they would say that they didn't feel loved because their partner was not doing something that made them feel loved. Dr. Chapman noticed that these expressions of love generally fell into one of five categories: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, or acts of service.

• Physical Touch: A person whose love language is physical touch will feel loved the most when you respond to them with loving, appropriate touch. Hugs, high fives, pats on the back, or touching their shoulder are just a few examples of ways that you can speak deeply to anyone who is a physical touch person, and regardless of what type of relationship you have with them. Remember to keep it appropriate however.
• Words of Affirmation: A person whose love language is words of affirmation want to hear good, loving things from you. They want compliments, they want to hear "I love you" and why you love them. To that person, words are extremely important. 
• Quality Time: A person whose love language is quality time want your full, undivided attention. Put things down and be there for this person. Listen to them when they need to rant and speak their mind. Spend quality time with them, just you and that person. 
• Receiving Gifts: To a person whose love language is gifts, giving them a gift lets them know that you love and care about them and are thinking about them. This isn't materialism however. They don't want just any gift, they want gifts that you put a lot of thought and love into. 
• Acts of Service: To those whose love language is acts of service, it's all about the actions. They feel loved when you do things for that person, like help out with chores. 

Generally one of these categories speak to us louder than the others. We all feel loved in different ways. Dr. Chapman suggests that the love languages that we most often speak is what we would like to receive. But what we speak may not be what the other person wants to receive. That is why I feel it is important to get to really know the people around you and find out what it is that makes them feel loved. Even though  Dr. Chapman's books were originally directed at couples and marriages and romantic relationships, I think this is valuable information for everyone to use in every relationship. For example, my roommate is my best friend and someone who I love  very much, and even though we aren't a couple, I want to know what makes her feel loved and love her that way. I think we all should want to love people the way that they want to be loved, it just brings us all closer together and I think that is a good thing. 

So I think I am going to go out and buy the actual book on love languages because I want to know more about this topic. I think everyone should too, but especially if you are in a relationship. There is the original version which is directed at couples, that can be found in the link below,

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-That-Lasts/dp/0802473156

And here is the link for the singles edition, because as the book description says, "Being single or married has nothing to do with whether you need to feel loved! Everyone has a God-given desire for complete and unconditional love in all relationships"

http://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languages-Singles/dp/1881273873/ref=pd_sim_b_5

If you want to know what your love language is, there is a really simple and easy quiz you can take to find that information out. Here is the website:

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

If you aren't married, choose the one for singles. If you are married, choose the one for husbands or wives, there's also quite a few other quizzes you can explore too. I encourage you to take the quiz, and then share the results so that I and others can know exactly what makes you feel loved. 

These are the scores that I received:

9	Words of Affirmation
11	Quality Time
6	Receiving Gifts
3	Acts of Service
1	Physical Touch

So there's my two cents on the topic. Now go out there and spread the love! :) <3

Gabs

Struggling with Sexual Sins

³ But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 

Oh gee, what can I be talking about starting off with a verse like that? Yeah, I'm going with the topic that no one wants to talk about because it is so awkward: sexual sins. It's a very real issue as so many people in the world struggle with some sort of sexual sin. Part of what the Bible defines as sexual sins, as far as I understand, falls under the big umbrella of having sex outside of marriage. That doesn't just mean just the act of having intercourse, but also includes pornography, masturbation, any sex act with anyone other than your spouse, and any type of sexual fantasizing about someone who is not your spouse. But wait, why are those included?


 ²⁷ “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’^[e] 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Jesus says that just thinking about someone lustfully is committing the act of adultery, that is having sex with someone who is not your spouse. When you are fantasizing about someone who isn't your spouse, or when you are looking at pornographic materials, you are thinking about sex with that someone, and you are being sexually immoral in your heart. Even if you aren't married, I think this is still considered sexual immorality, because you are having sex outside of your marriage essentially. You are taking away from something that is supposed to be between your future spouse and you.

Why am I bringing this up? It's just something that God has been laying on my heart lately. We live in such a sexually charged world, and there is so much evidence out there of how much it is really effecting us. There are some crazy statistics out there of how much people struggle. It doesn't matter whether you are a Christian or not, black or white, girl or guy, married or single, all people can struggle in this areas.

Don't kid yourself and think that this kind of stuff isn't going on out there. Look at some of the statistics:

• Average age of first exposure to internet pornography: 11 years old
• US adults who regularly visit internet porn sits: 40 million
•  29% of born again adults in the U.S. feel it is morally acceptable to view movies with explicit sexual behavior
•  Youth with significant exposure to sexuality in the media were shown to be significantly more likely to have had intercourse at ages 14 to 16
•  Half of unmarried men ages 20-29 said they would have sex without any interest in marriage
•  47% of Christian families said pornography is a problem in their home
• As little as 6 of hours of exposure to soft-core porn (soft core porn is anything designed to arouse one sexually) is enough to:

--Destroy satisfaction with his or her spouse
--Decrease in the value of faithfulness.
--Decrease in partner satisfaction.
--Increase in the thought that women enjoy rape.
--Lose ability to be with one person and cherish that one person.
http://www.archomaha.org/pastoral/se/pdf/PornStats.pdf

You can look at that website and look at the rest of those statistics. And those don't even hit all of the areas that I think are considered sexual impurity.

So anyways this is on my heart because I came to the realization that quite a few people don't know about these struggles and to what extent they are going on, and also because I personally have a struggle with sexual impurity.

Though I haven't had actual intercourse, I have been struggling with sexual thoughts, pornography, and masturbation, which I think are just as bad and just as damaging as premarital sex. It all started several years ago when I became curious after watching some TV show with heavy sexual content. Media is powerful and it will harm you if you aren't tuning into the right form of entertainment, but that is a topic for another day.

I first started speaking out about my issues in the spring of last semester, when I just felt that enough was enough and that I needed helped. Probably the biggest step towards fighting these sins is telling someone about it, finding someone that you completely trust, and then coming clean. Having that accountability partner and support system to guide you is such a valuable tool against any form of sin that you are struggling with.

Though I began taking my first steps in the right direction, I began to fall back into the patterns of temptation, and my progress has sort of halted, if not gone backwards completely. I guess I didn't feel the conviction that I needed to really push me forward. But now I have. I am in a relationship with a man that I am very much in love with, but recently as I've been thinking about the possibility of marriage somewhere in the future, God put the issue of my sexual sins back on my heart because it wasn't resolved. I began to realize that I am not completely and fully pure, and that takes away from the intimacy that me and my future husband are supposed to experience during marriage. Sure I haven't had sex with anyone, so I am pure in that way, but I am not completely mentally pure, and if I continue down the road that I am headed, and keep allowing myself to be tempted, I am going to become less and less pure and take away more and more from my future husband. And that breaks my heart like none other.

Now I have the strong conviction from God that I need, now I am really ready to have God take away the temptations, now I am ready to surrender to God completely and allow him to help me to keep the rest of my purity and to stop heading down the road of sexual immorality. And I think that is the first step truly conquering any sin. First you have to be willing to change. That's repentance, seeing that you are wrong, and then completely turning around. Not saying, yeah this is gross and wrong, but I am going to continue to do it anyways, but being willing to completely turn away from the sins that you keep doing. For the first time, I have completely repented of this sin, and I am now healing towards the healing and change that I need.

If you are struggling in this area, you can get off this path. It's not easy, nor is it something that happens in a day. But it is achievable. God gives us the tools and ability to fight any temptation, you just have to know what they are.

1. Repent- Recognize that what you are doing is wrong, and it effects more than just yourself. These are harmful actions and you need to be willing to completely give them up and change. You can't have one foot in the door and one foot out, you have to make a decision to either completely stop what you're doing, or not. There is no in-between. Once you have a willing heart to change, then and only then can you fully change. 
2. Tell Someone- Tell someone that you are struggling, tell somewhat you are battling with some areas of sin in your life. This is a journey that you can't effectively make on your own. Get someone you trust behind you, as a resource for helpful tips, and most importantly, as an accountability partner. Have someone there to keep you accountable, to step in and say hey, you're not doing something you aren't supposed to right, and hey, that is probably not a good decision, things like that. For this, you want someone that you can trust, probably of the same gender, and someone who is willing to encourage and support you on your way to getting back on the right path. 
3. Tell God-This should really be step 2. Once you've repented, once you're ready for change, tell God and sincerely ask him to give you the strength and the wisdom that you need to conquer this sin. Ask Him to help you to stay out of temptation and to take temptations away. You aren't going to get anywhere, unless you lean on God for guidance and support. Make sure that you are walking with God daily, studying the Bible, praying, faithfully attending church. Have good devotional practices and meet with God on a daily basis. 
4. Seek Counseling- There's such a negative view about counselors, but really, they can be so helpful. Seek the help of good, godly counselor, who is knowledge in the area of sexuality and who will probably have several resources that can help you. It is okay to seek counseling if you need to. Usually they know what they are doing, and they are educated to help us when we are in need. 
5. Seek Other Resources- There are plenty of resources out there that can help you if you are struggling with really anything. Just use discretion and make sure that they are coming from a biblical background. Some of the best books out there that I think is extremely is Every Man's Battle series. That series has a book for everyone, men, women, teens, married couples. Definitely check it out if you find yourself struggling. http://www.shannonethridge.com/products.shtml This website has a list of all of the books by Shannon Ethridge who writes the ones directed towards women, but also further down is a list of the ones that are directed towards men, written by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker and Mike Yorkey.
6. Learn the Pattern and Stay Out of It- Usually sexual sins start with some pattern or cycle. Something triggers impure thoughts and that starts a chain reaction down the road of further impurity. Know what sets you off, what starts the cycle in the first place, and try to avoid whatever it is. One of the most important tools that you can use is knowing your trigger and not letting yourself get tempted in the first place. Guard your heart, protect yourself! If listening to a sexually charged song, watching a movie with sexual content, or being alone triggers those thoughts, then don't so any of those things. Keep an eye out for those things which may cause you to be tempted.

Now I'm no counselor, and I am by no means knowledgeable in all areas of this issue, but I know that these things help me out. Hopefully they will be helpful for you too if you are struggling. And if you aren't struggling, here are some things for you to think about. 

1. Guard Your Heart- Even if you don't struggle with having sexual thoughts, you need to watch out, because you can be tempted and probably will be at some point in your life. Stay out of the sexually charged world that we are living in. Watch out and guard yourself from the potential hazards that are out there. Be careful what you find on the internet, what you watch, what you listen to, and how your mind wanders. 
2. Be Support For Those Who Are Struggling- You might be blessed, now turn around and bless others. People who are struggling with sexual sins need someone to listen to them, need support, need encouragement, need accountability partners. Be that for someone. Don't be someone who condemns them or looks upon them as disgusting, horrible creatures. Love them as God loves them and be there to help them. Everyone struggles with some sin in their life. Yours might not be of the sexual variety, but it might be something else that you need support with dealing with. Be that support for someone, just like you need support. 

So anyways that's what's been on my heart lately. Like I said before, I don't know everything about this subject, I just know what God is speaking to me about. I hope that if you are struggling, that you will find the guidance and support that you need. And know that God loves you and will provide a way out for you. 

That's all folks! Deuces!

Gabs 

What's Going On Now?

Hello friends!

So it's been a really long time since I've sat down and blogged, about 6 months to be exact, and well let me tell you, so many things have happened in those 6 months! God has been working like crazy in my life, and I can definitely look back and say that I am not the same person that I was writing these posts back in May. I have grown up a lot! There have been several serious changes in my life and so many new experiences! Oh my goodness has it been a crazy but beautiful time in my life! And God has been by my side every step of the way! So what is God been teaching me these days, and how am I growing? Lots and lots my friend, lots and lots!

Right now I am halfway through the first semester of my junior year of college, and it is a scary and exciting thought! This is where college really gets tough and where you really begin to see your future in the career area start to be laid out. As I'm getting ever closer to student teaching in the spring, God has been showing me just how much I want this, and just how much he wants this for me. As the days go by, it is becoming ever more clear that God's purpose for me is to teach, and specifically in a low income school.

There are lots of interesting things going on in my family, some good, and some that aren't so good, and that makes for lots of interesting situations and lots of lessons. God is teaching me lots of lessons on how to deal with the frustrations that my family sometimes causes me, and also how to love them the way that I need to be loving them. God has also been opening up doors of communication with them which has been such a blessing!

I've got some really awesome devotional tools that are really helping me connect with God, which is awesome. One is this daily Bible in a year reading devotional book, which is really awesome and helpful for me. I want to get deeper into God's word, and I can't do that on my own. I also got this other devotional book which focusing on the evidence of God throughout history, science, and just stuff like that. Being the science nerd that I am, I am just loving this book so much! Science is my thing, science is what brings me in awe of God the most. Anyways my Theology class has also been helping me in my walk. Getting deeper into God stuff is helping me to discover what I really believe about God and the Bible and such.

The last time I blogged, I wrote about my trying to become content with singleness. Well this summer I found contentment, and then things changed a little bit when God brought the most amazing man into my life, the one and only, Noah Messick. God has been really shaping me and growing me when it comes to relationships with guys. This is probably the area where I've experienced the most growth in my life as God taught me how to deal with my initial feelings for Noah, being content with friendship, entering into a courtship, and now the possibility of marriage somewhere in the future.

Speaking of marriage, that's where me and God are right now, in the process of shaping me into a godly wife. No, I am not getting married right now. The probability that I will get married someday in the future is just a little bit higher than it was before, and I just want to start the process of thinking about what it means to really be a godly wife, and start moving in the direction of becoming that. So that is mainly what God is speaking to me about these day.

So anyways that's a brief little view on what's been going on in my world these days. Now I shall let the regular blogging commence! Read them if you like! Some will be super deep and theological, and some will be some brief thought that is somehow related to God. Just sit back and enjoy my bits of rambling. :)

Love you my friends! :)
Gabs

What does it mean to Forgive and give Grace here?

The dictionary definition of to forgive is “to give up resentment of or claim to requital for” or “to cease to feel resentment against (an offender)” But we as Christians know very clearly what this is, as God tells us He forgives us of the sins that we do against Him each and every day. Forgiveness is such a foundational part of our faith. To become Christians, we must accept the grace (getting what we don't deserve) that is forgiveness of our sins, from God. But as Christians, we must also deliver that same kind of forgiveness and grace to all of those around us.

There are several Bible verses that talk about how we are supposed to forgive others, even our enemies.

-Matthew 6:14-15

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

-Ephesians 4:32

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

-Matthew 18:21-22

“Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.”

Those are just a few. So as Christians we are supposed to be Christ like, and that means forgiving others like he forgives us. Normally I'm okay with that, I'm not one to hold a grudge if you trespass against me, lightly that is. When heavy duty hurt and pain come, then I am more likely to hold a grudge than to “turn the other cheek” as I am supposed to. This is the kind of situation I am facing right now. How do I forgive this guy who has really done me wrong. Let me give you the background of the story:

All my life I've been very vulnerable when it comes to guys. Guys don't like me, not in the way that I want them to like me. I've been blessed with some pretty amazing guy friends, but you know, they aren't there for me to cuddle with, or there to tell me I'm pretty and funny and sweet, or just all those other things that I “think” I need to be satisfied, I “think” I need some guy to be genuinely interested in me to be happy. That's something that I hardcore struggle with every day. I'm getting better at feeling and accepting that all I need is God, but I have to admit sometimes I struggle and I get vulnerable, and at these times, any guy that walks into my life and acts interested can pretty much get whatever he wants out of me.

A couple of years ago this guy from my church started talking to me, and because I was stupid and incredibly vulnerable, I let him into my life. This became quite an unhealthy relationship, with him sending me some pretty inappropriate texts late each night, and I could never say no to him, because I didn't want to lose this opportunity that I had, a guy FINALLY making me feel good about myself. Long story short, eventually I got the courage to put this to an end, and I was left feeling hurt and embarrassed. I let this disgusting guy treat me the way that he did, say the things that he did, and I didn't tell him no because I stupidly wanted the attention.

After a while I decided, this would just happen again unless I do something, so I blocked him from facebook and my phone. But I forgave him, a least I thought so. Besides, half of it was my own stupid fault. But I forgave this boy in my mind, and I shunned him, tried to keep away from him, and looked upon him with disgust. Now that doesn't sound like forgiveness and grace to me.

So what is forgiveness and grace in this situation. What am I supposed to do with this guy? I don't want him in my life, I think he is disgusting, and what he does is disgusting, and I don't want to open any doors for him to come into my life. When I go to church I sit on the opposite side of the room from him, and I cling to my mom when we have fellowship time, in hopes of avoiding him. When I hear about him, I cringe, I make this disgusted look on my face, my stomach churns. I blocked him from contacting me. But today I unblocked him. Because that sounds more like forgiveness to me, at least I think so.

What am I going to do if he contacts me again? How many times will I be subjected to this vicious cycle of him walking all over me because I'm too stupid and vulnerable to say no to him. Can forgiving this guy not include having him in my life. This is just one forgiveness situation that I just am completely baffled with.

I am defeated....but that's a good thing :)

 I now come before God completely broken in this one area of my life. Last night I guess the last straw broke the camel's back or however that phrase goes, and I fell to my knees in surrender. The last few months, years, days, whatever, have lead up to this point, this kind of hopelessness that I now have. Sometimes things just build up, and build up, and eventually you can't handle it anymore, and it finally gets to you and knocks you down. I'm knocked down, I'm tired, I am weak, I am defeated.

What am I talking about?

The years and months and days of losing every guy that I have ever wanted has finally gotten to me. There has always been one thing or another, either they want nothing to do with me, they don't know I exist, I scare them away, or there's always this other girl who I can't even compete with. And the days and months and years of watching all the guys slip between my fingertips has brought me to a place of exhaustion and no hope. It's just not possible, I can't get the guy, so I might as well give up and face the music. I might as well surrender, and that I did.

Now stop right there. Don't judge this as me trying to get attention, trying to get people to tell me, “Oh you're beautiful, you'll find the right guy when it's time, you're an awesome girl and all these guys just suck, yadda yadda, whatever.” I don't want to hear those words. First of all I know they are true. I know I have worth and one day the right guy is going to see that. This isn't that kind of a post, because I know that my brokenness is necessary.

See, I needed to be broken, I needed to feel this hopelessness, to feel like I can't get a guy, because it humbles me, it stops me from pursuing, it stops me from trying to seek out God's gift for me instead of letting God bring it to me in His own time, it puts God back as my number one focus.

Right now I'm so tired, I don't feel like dealing with boys. I don't have the urge to pursue them, I can now really truly wait and be patient because I'm exhausted and all I want to do is wait. And most importantly, now that guys are being pushed farther and farther to the back of my mind, God can be where He should be, and that's the Numero Uno spot in my heart, because when I am going ga-ga crazy over all these boys that I want more than anything, God unfortunately gets knocked back some.

Right now I don't care about guys and that's a good thing I think. At least that's how I look at it, that's how I look at this brokenness. I look at it as an opportunity for God to be at work. And I won't feel defeated forever, no. When God brings me the prize that He wants to bring me, that perfect guy for me, that wonderful gift that God wants t bless me with, I will know, and I'll be ready.

I guess sometimes God has got to break us to make us :)

Drifting Away from God

 Sometimes I get into these really bad patterns that end up with me becoming distant from God. The Christian life is not the easiest thing to live out. It is so much more easy to skip church, not read the Bible, listen to mainstream music, and not pray, than to participate in things that are designed to bring us closer to God. And not only that, those things can quickly turn into just motions that we go through without having any heart in it. It's tough being a Christian, it's tough making God your number one focus. But I'm so thankfully that when I start to drift away and start treading down the easy path, God there to bring me back to Him, and not only that, but to guide me in the lifestyle that I should be pursuing.

I'll be the first to admit, somethings I fall off the path a little bit. It's not like I am blatantly trying to get away from God, or disobey Him, it just becomes the outcome. No, even in periods of disconnection from God, I always believe that God is real, love Him in some sense, know He's there, know He loves me. I just have a hard time putting that into heart knowledge, something that I feel in my heart and not just facts that are stuck in my head. But how do I even get to this way? Simple, it starts with just losing focus, going through the motions, and eventually stopping all the motions at all.

Focus.

Anyone can tell you that my focus has definitely not been on God lately. My priorities have been sleeping, eating, watching Smallville, and thinking about my so-called Prince Charming, and anything that stood between me and those things, well God help them. But then when my priorities are those silly things, God gets knocked down a bit, and that is the beginning of all downhill spirals. My focus became not on God, trying to live for Him, trying to serve Him, loving Him, and so naturally, I began to not really be as involved in my devotional practices, and that leads to going through the motions.

Going through the motions.

I prayed every once and a while, picked up the Bible a few times, went to church, went to chapel, talked about God a little bit, sung worship songs, but I did all of this without my heart being into it. It was like doing Christian chores, I knew I should do them, but I wasn't really getting much out of it. When you don't have God in the number one seat in your life, your heart just isn't going to be in your devotional practices, and that's what happened to me. Eventually because you aren't getting anything out of the practices, you eventually stop doing them at all, and that my friends is a really bad spot to be.

No Devotions

When you eliminate the things in your life that are designed to bring you closer to God, then you don't get closer to God, it's as simple as that. And unfortunately I was definitely treading down that path. I honestly cannot even tell you when was the last time that I read the Bible because I wanted to, because I wanted to feel closer to God, because I wanted to learn more about Him. I cannot remember the last time that a worship song has really convicted me and touched my heart. I cannot remember the last time that I went to church and was really invested in the message instead of thinking about the next time I get to see my golden haired man of mystery. It's really sad and disgusting for me to say, but I am definitely a little disconnected from God.

The great thing about having a God who loves us so much is that when we get disconnected from Him, He searches for us. Not only that, but He also welcomes us back into His arms, and I am so grateful and thankful for that. I want to be close to God, I want to feel His presence in my life, I want Him to guide and protect me, and I'm so thankful that He wants those things as well, even enough so to go out and do any and everything He can to bring us back to Him.

God brought me back to Him using the lure of a speaker we had in chapel today. Her story touched me as it was oddly similar to some of the situations in my life. People's life stories are probably one of the most effective ways that God uses to really touch my heart. Especially impacting are stories that talk about brokenness, cause God knows there's definitely a lot of that in my life.

Now I'm back on the road towards God. It feels SO much better. I need to really work on keeping Him as my number one focus so that I don't go down this road yet again. 

Frustrated with God's answers?(Or lack thereof)

Talking to my friends lately, and even looking in on my life, there seems to be this common theme flowing. There's lots of trials and troubles and tough things that we are all dealing with going on, and as we are Christians, we know that in these times, we just need to give all our burdens and weights up to God, and let Him guide us. We know that He has all the answers, and so we ask for them. But then we get really frustrated. God doesn't seem to be answering, things are still difficult even after months of prayer, we're so confused and don't know what to do anymore. We're just really lost.

I think that our confusion and frustration and feelings of being lost are not of God, but it comes from a flaw in our thinking. One of our flaws is that what we want is what we think we need. I think we can't always separate what we truly NEED from what we actually just would like to have. We talked a little bit about this in Sunday school this weekend. We looked the passage in Matthew 6 where Jesus is saying do not worry, for God will provide. Three main items are mentioned, food, clothing, and drink. Those are the things that we NEED. But we live in such a world, that we need tons of other things, and the best of it as well. God knows what we really need, and He gives them to us. We need to separate what we really need from what we want, and not get so upset when we discover that everything we want is not necessarily in God's plans. God isn't going to always answer our prayers the way that we want, because what we want is not always necessarily the best.

I think the other flaw is that we expect that when we surrender our burdens to God, that He is automatically at that instance fix everything, and that is usually not the case. God has some interesting timing, timing that is usually not the same as ours. We live in a world where we have to have everything now, everything is so fast paced, lateness causes frustration. God likes to work when He wants to work, and quite frankly, He has the right and the ability to do that since He knows what's best. God's timing is perfect timing, it's never late, it's never last minute. So God may not give you all the answers that you want, or give you clarity right away because maybe it's not the perfect time for that to happen. We must remember that.

God knows what He is doing obviously. If He didn't, we would be in a load of hurt. I think what we need to be doing, instead asking for answers and having the answer that YOU want in your mind, I think we should ask God to open our hearts to what He wants for us. We should ask God to align our hearts with Him, and His ways, and His timing. That would probably alleviate the frustrations that we feel.

Psalm 143:10

“10 Teach me to do your will, for you are my God! Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground!”

Be Patient, Don't Settle For Less

The phrases “God will provide someone for you,” “Be patient, God has someone special planned for you,” and so on, are not phrases that are easy to understand and digest when you are wrapped up in full emotions for someone, especially if those feelings have been running full speed ahead for a year. It's hard to be constantly told that, especially if in your mindset, the one that you want, is the one that you think God has provided for you. The thoughts of “Who could possibly be better than this guy?” “How will I ever love anyone else again?” “Maybe if I pursue him, eventually he'll fall into my trap...” ring out in your head everyday because in your tiny little minds, this is the way that things should go, this is what God wants of course! And then sometimes you get a smack in your face, and your stubborn self realizes, Nope, actually, God DOES have a better plan for me, someone out there for me, and patience is the key.

A friend once told me in the midst of one of my many guy crises, to be patient and let the guy that God has planned for me to have, to come woo me. I was like...naaaaa I don't need or want to be wooed, I just want to go and get the guy. I'm going to be bold and win his heart. Those are the words of someone who is really impatient. But finally after chasing after in my mind many crushes who didn't want anything to do with me, and falling for in reality two boys who also had interest, being the pursuer just isn't fun anymore. I thought, okay God, it's time to listen to what You and my friends have been trying to tell me, and sit and be patient, besides, this will be more fun!

God meant for us to sit and be patient and wait for His direction and what He has for us. We are always trying to run so far ahead of God, that we end up trying to settle for less than what God has for us. It's hard not to though, it's hard to sit there and relax, especially when you think that nothing can be better than what you have. I was so blinded by love that even when this guy told me he didn't feel the same way about me, I tried to hold on to some bit of hope because I didn't think that God could bring me any better. But then God smacked me in the face and I realized that I want all of what God has for me, and I don't want to settle for less. I want to be pursued by the man that God plans for me to have, the one who truly will, no matter how hard it is for me right now to realize it, be better than all the other guys in my life.

Being patient is hard, and sometimes God has to smack us around a bit before we finally listen to him and sit down and be patient. Don't settle for less because of your impatience. Hang in there, ask God to help you to trust Him and truly be content, because in the end, it really will be worth it all.