Struggling with Sexual Sins

³ But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 

Oh gee, what can I be talking about starting off with a verse like that? Yeah, I'm going with the topic that no one wants to talk about because it is so awkward: sexual sins. It's a very real issue as so many people in the world struggle with some sort of sexual sin. Part of what the Bible defines as sexual sins, as far as I understand, falls under the big umbrella of having sex outside of marriage. That doesn't just mean just the act of having intercourse, but also includes pornography, masturbation, any sex act with anyone other than your spouse, and any type of sexual fantasizing about someone who is not your spouse. But wait, why are those included?


 ²⁷ “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’^[e] 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Jesus says that just thinking about someone lustfully is committing the act of adultery, that is having sex with someone who is not your spouse. When you are fantasizing about someone who isn't your spouse, or when you are looking at pornographic materials, you are thinking about sex with that someone, and you are being sexually immoral in your heart. Even if you aren't married, I think this is still considered sexual immorality, because you are having sex outside of your marriage essentially. You are taking away from something that is supposed to be between your future spouse and you.

Why am I bringing this up? It's just something that God has been laying on my heart lately. We live in such a sexually charged world, and there is so much evidence out there of how much it is really effecting us. There are some crazy statistics out there of how much people struggle. It doesn't matter whether you are a Christian or not, black or white, girl or guy, married or single, all people can struggle in this areas.

Don't kid yourself and think that this kind of stuff isn't going on out there. Look at some of the statistics:

• Average age of first exposure to internet pornography: 11 years old
• US adults who regularly visit internet porn sits: 40 million
•  29% of born again adults in the U.S. feel it is morally acceptable to view movies with explicit sexual behavior
•  Youth with significant exposure to sexuality in the media were shown to be significantly more likely to have had intercourse at ages 14 to 16
•  Half of unmarried men ages 20-29 said they would have sex without any interest in marriage
•  47% of Christian families said pornography is a problem in their home
• As little as 6 of hours of exposure to soft-core porn (soft core porn is anything designed to arouse one sexually) is enough to:

--Destroy satisfaction with his or her spouse
--Decrease in the value of faithfulness.
--Decrease in partner satisfaction.
--Increase in the thought that women enjoy rape.
--Lose ability to be with one person and cherish that one person.
http://www.archomaha.org/pastoral/se/pdf/PornStats.pdf

You can look at that website and look at the rest of those statistics. And those don't even hit all of the areas that I think are considered sexual impurity.

So anyways this is on my heart because I came to the realization that quite a few people don't know about these struggles and to what extent they are going on, and also because I personally have a struggle with sexual impurity.

Though I haven't had actual intercourse, I have been struggling with sexual thoughts, pornography, and masturbation, which I think are just as bad and just as damaging as premarital sex. It all started several years ago when I became curious after watching some TV show with heavy sexual content. Media is powerful and it will harm you if you aren't tuning into the right form of entertainment, but that is a topic for another day.

I first started speaking out about my issues in the spring of last semester, when I just felt that enough was enough and that I needed helped. Probably the biggest step towards fighting these sins is telling someone about it, finding someone that you completely trust, and then coming clean. Having that accountability partner and support system to guide you is such a valuable tool against any form of sin that you are struggling with.

Though I began taking my first steps in the right direction, I began to fall back into the patterns of temptation, and my progress has sort of halted, if not gone backwards completely. I guess I didn't feel the conviction that I needed to really push me forward. But now I have. I am in a relationship with a man that I am very much in love with, but recently as I've been thinking about the possibility of marriage somewhere in the future, God put the issue of my sexual sins back on my heart because it wasn't resolved. I began to realize that I am not completely and fully pure, and that takes away from the intimacy that me and my future husband are supposed to experience during marriage. Sure I haven't had sex with anyone, so I am pure in that way, but I am not completely mentally pure, and if I continue down the road that I am headed, and keep allowing myself to be tempted, I am going to become less and less pure and take away more and more from my future husband. And that breaks my heart like none other.

Now I have the strong conviction from God that I need, now I am really ready to have God take away the temptations, now I am ready to surrender to God completely and allow him to help me to keep the rest of my purity and to stop heading down the road of sexual immorality. And I think that is the first step truly conquering any sin. First you have to be willing to change. That's repentance, seeing that you are wrong, and then completely turning around. Not saying, yeah this is gross and wrong, but I am going to continue to do it anyways, but being willing to completely turn away from the sins that you keep doing. For the first time, I have completely repented of this sin, and I am now healing towards the healing and change that I need.

If you are struggling in this area, you can get off this path. It's not easy, nor is it something that happens in a day. But it is achievable. God gives us the tools and ability to fight any temptation, you just have to know what they are.

1. Repent- Recognize that what you are doing is wrong, and it effects more than just yourself. These are harmful actions and you need to be willing to completely give them up and change. You can't have one foot in the door and one foot out, you have to make a decision to either completely stop what you're doing, or not. There is no in-between. Once you have a willing heart to change, then and only then can you fully change. 
2. Tell Someone- Tell someone that you are struggling, tell somewhat you are battling with some areas of sin in your life. This is a journey that you can't effectively make on your own. Get someone you trust behind you, as a resource for helpful tips, and most importantly, as an accountability partner. Have someone there to keep you accountable, to step in and say hey, you're not doing something you aren't supposed to right, and hey, that is probably not a good decision, things like that. For this, you want someone that you can trust, probably of the same gender, and someone who is willing to encourage and support you on your way to getting back on the right path. 
3. Tell God-This should really be step 2. Once you've repented, once you're ready for change, tell God and sincerely ask him to give you the strength and the wisdom that you need to conquer this sin. Ask Him to help you to stay out of temptation and to take temptations away. You aren't going to get anywhere, unless you lean on God for guidance and support. Make sure that you are walking with God daily, studying the Bible, praying, faithfully attending church. Have good devotional practices and meet with God on a daily basis. 
4. Seek Counseling- There's such a negative view about counselors, but really, they can be so helpful. Seek the help of good, godly counselor, who is knowledge in the area of sexuality and who will probably have several resources that can help you. It is okay to seek counseling if you need to. Usually they know what they are doing, and they are educated to help us when we are in need. 
5. Seek Other Resources- There are plenty of resources out there that can help you if you are struggling with really anything. Just use discretion and make sure that they are coming from a biblical background. Some of the best books out there that I think is extremely is Every Man's Battle series. That series has a book for everyone, men, women, teens, married couples. Definitely check it out if you find yourself struggling. http://www.shannonethridge.com/products.shtml This website has a list of all of the books by Shannon Ethridge who writes the ones directed towards women, but also further down is a list of the ones that are directed towards men, written by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker and Mike Yorkey.
6. Learn the Pattern and Stay Out of It- Usually sexual sins start with some pattern or cycle. Something triggers impure thoughts and that starts a chain reaction down the road of further impurity. Know what sets you off, what starts the cycle in the first place, and try to avoid whatever it is. One of the most important tools that you can use is knowing your trigger and not letting yourself get tempted in the first place. Guard your heart, protect yourself! If listening to a sexually charged song, watching a movie with sexual content, or being alone triggers those thoughts, then don't so any of those things. Keep an eye out for those things which may cause you to be tempted.

Now I'm no counselor, and I am by no means knowledgeable in all areas of this issue, but I know that these things help me out. Hopefully they will be helpful for you too if you are struggling. And if you aren't struggling, here are some things for you to think about. 

1. Guard Your Heart- Even if you don't struggle with having sexual thoughts, you need to watch out, because you can be tempted and probably will be at some point in your life. Stay out of the sexually charged world that we are living in. Watch out and guard yourself from the potential hazards that are out there. Be careful what you find on the internet, what you watch, what you listen to, and how your mind wanders. 
2. Be Support For Those Who Are Struggling- You might be blessed, now turn around and bless others. People who are struggling with sexual sins need someone to listen to them, need support, need encouragement, need accountability partners. Be that for someone. Don't be someone who condemns them or looks upon them as disgusting, horrible creatures. Love them as God loves them and be there to help them. Everyone struggles with some sin in their life. Yours might not be of the sexual variety, but it might be something else that you need support with dealing with. Be that support for someone, just like you need support. 

So anyways that's what's been on my heart lately. Like I said before, I don't know everything about this subject, I just know what God is speaking to me about. I hope that if you are struggling, that you will find the guidance and support that you need. And know that God loves you and will provide a way out for you. 

That's all folks! Deuces!

Gabs